It has been said that we each know ourself best, even though our biggest defects may be invisible to us. Since we are then semi-authorities, it’s understandable that many of us talk about what we know most: ourselves. There are myriad ways of doing this, some conversational and agreeable and others not.
Egotists are always me-deep in conversation. ~ Anonymous
Unremitting reference to yourself – I-me-mine – shows a lack of personal awareness. Recall George Harrison’s popular song of the 60’s:
All thru’ the day I me mine, I me mine, I me mine.
All thru’ the night I me mine, I me mine, I me mine.
Now they’re frightened of leaving it
Ev’ryone’s weaving it,
Coming on strong all the time,
All thru’ the day I me mine.
As constant fare, this can be pretty tiresome for your listeners.
Try to conceive of how you would feel if you heard this speaker saying:
I got up this morning and I looked out the window and I thought it was such a beautiful day that I decided I’d go to the harbor as I remembered reading in the paper about a free sailing class being offered and I needed to get some exercise.– 7 references to “I”
One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people. ~ Lucille S. Harper
Now imagine hearing this speaker:
It was a beautiful, breezy day, perfect for taking advantage of a free sailing class being offered at the harbor. Sailing’s such great exercise! So I thought, “Why not? Let’s go!” 1 reference to “I”
What a difference, right? Clearly, it’s normal to mention yourself, but not to excess. The opposite – total effacement – is artificial because it’s not natural for us to be indifferent to ourselves. A skillful conversationalist is a person who is more interested in other people and other things than in drawing attention to “me.”
Bragging about yourself sends up a red flag that reads: INSECURITY, as does belittling yourself, especially when responding to a sincere – use your intuition on this one – compliment. Here are a couple of gracious ways to accept a compliment, move the conversation away from yourself, and open dialogue by introducing a new topic that adds healthy fuel to the exchange:
You have beautiful green eyes.
Thank you. Have you heard that family traits often skip a generation? Well, my Irish Grandfather had green eyes, so I have him to thank for them. Do you notice this occurring in your family also?
or
You’re an awesome guitarist.
I appreciate your encouragement … my favorite guitarist is Joe Satriani. I’m trying to incorporate some of his techniques – still have a lot of work to do – but it’s a big challenge. Have you listened to his music?
Indeed, we are the product of the countless influences that form our human experience. Certainly no one can rightfully take personal credit for all of them. Therefore, sharing the praise is both authentic and truthful. And, as an additional benefit, it might also ignite the spark of reflection in others to contributions past and present made to their own lives.
