It is universally agreed that being grateful is essential to a happy life. Does gratitude come naturally or is it a virtue we acquire? When watching small children being reminded repeatedly by their parents to “Say ‘thank you,’” it is evident that gratitude is learned and therefore it can be taught. Gratitude teaches us to recognize gifts, to acknowledge and appreciate those who bestow them, and to take the next step of giving to others.
I. Recognizing Gifts
No news is good news. Bad news travels fast.
These common sayings in our language reveal how easy it is to pass along negative information. Sensationalist media detailing every celebrity faux pas or political foible mezmerizes many in mounds of distracting and meaningless trivia. It takes a conscious effort to turn away from that trash and begin to see the other aspect of Reality: the aspect that sustains us.
Most Americans traditionally do this at least once a year at Thanksgiving and it feels good to appreciate the food, our families, and our homes. Some of us invite the less fortunate to share our bounty; then our own gifts become even more apparent. But one day a year is not enough. Heart-felt gratitude can be recognized every day, for small things and large. It requires that we jar ourselves awake and notice what is all around us.
History is abundant with examples of gifts unacknowledged. American historian, Frederick Jackson Turner (1861-1932), offers one shocking example:
To those who followed Columbus and Cortez, the New World truly seemed incredible because of the natural endowments. The land often announced itself with a heavy scent miles out into the ocean. Giovanni di Verrazano in 1524 smelled the cedars of the East Coast a hundred leagues out. The men of Henry Hudson’s Half Moon were temporarily disarmed by the fragrance of the New Jersey shore, while ships running farther up the coast occasionally swam through large beds of floating flowers. Wherever they came inland they found a rich riot of color and sound, of game and luxuriant vegetation. Had they been other than they were, they might have written a new mythology here. As it was, they took inventory.*
Here the sustaining wealth of natural beauty and enjoyment of it are surrendered to acquisitiveness and greed, the polar opposites of gratefulness. Today ingratitude for Nature has reached such an appalling level that the survival of life on earth is now in serious question.
II. Appreciation
Silent gratitude isn’t very much use to anyone.
~ Gertrude Stein
In being silent after a grace is bestowed, the receiver fails to acknowledge the giver of the gift and misses one of life’s most beautiful possibilities: meaningful connection with another human being. It is also very likely that an ungrateful course of behavior will freeze future kindnesses and cut off the blossoms of friendship.
Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. ~ Marcel Proust
Appreciation doesn’t always arise immediately because the receiver may not recognize the gift until later, just as children are not often cognizant of their parents’ sacrifices until they have their own children. Like a wave, appreciation – triggered by an event or realization – may quite unexpectedly come over us for a much-loved teacher, high school friend, colleague, or relative.
At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. ~ Albert Schweitzer
It is then important for us to take the next step and actively acknowledge it. Write a note. Make a phone call. Schedule a time to meet. Give a special gift. Confirm the importance of the other person in your life, just as you appreciate the same affirmation when you do something thoughtful for another.
III. Giving
A natural extension of gratitude for the many gifts you have received is to share and give love to others. A natural extension, not a calculated one where you expect something in return. Of course, in loving relationships, no one is taking inventory. We give and receive as life unfolds, in sickness and in health. And, like a sudden coda, we are often pleasantly delighted with wonderful surprises.
* Confer historian Howard Zinn, A People’s History of the United States: 1492 to the Present.
